I found the word.

Ok, well no.  True, bird is the word, but while surfing bird was a great song it is not what I found.


I have been stuck with making some goals for my 2014 season.  I had no problems making them, but I sit back and look at what I have put into my head and think... OMG... can I do that?  Partly because goals are scary, but partly because I know who I am. Or rather, I have a pre-conceived notion of who I am. 

Who is the girl I think I am?  A slow runner.  A slow swimmer.  A powerful cyclist.  Overall a weak racer on long distances.

And while it may be true today, why do I think that is going to be true tomorrow? Or in 6 months?  Or in a year?  Why do I think that I can so easily discredit the training that I have ahead of me?  I mean, certainly if I put in the work as intended I will see the results I desire.  But no, not this girl. 

Because I label myself as slow and weak,  I never give my all to something like training.  I was never sure why I have not seen improvements in all of my years of doing sports, until last night.  Last night, while I was at the gym getting ready for my 5k TT run test (which was OK by the way- 1 point higher than expected woot woot!) I had the extreme pleasure of running "into" my friend, Fraser teammate, and fellow ENer Trish.  After my run I stretched out a lot and then hit the locker room, where I ran into her again.

Through our talking and going over the amazing year she had in 2013, it became very clear what was "wrong" with me.  It is not ability.  It is not will.  It is not determination or that I am lazy. It is not a lack of speed, or a lack of race execution.  It was due to lack of something much greater, more powerful than any of that.

Confidence. 

Confidence is what I have been lacking in all these years.  If you read through my blogs leading up to Ironman Florida in 2012, over on my IMFL blog, it wreaks of lacking confidence.  Only after completion of the race do my blogs turn to words of strength and celebration.  Almost a verbal sigh of relief that I actually, against all odds, succeeded. 

Ugh. 

So yes I have some steep goals this year, but honestly the biggest of all of them is to have confidence in my ability to execute my training, and to make my training a priority this year.  As Trish said, to live with no regrets.

I am tired of the sufferfests that I put myself through, but those sufferfests will always be there until I change myself and the way I look at training.  Firstly - I need it.  If I am a slow runner it is because quite honestly I do not respect my run training.  It is hard for me and uncomfortable so I give up and wimp out.

My new goal for 2014 is to gain confidence in all that I do, from public speaking to racing an Ironman. I need to start each day with intent and to STOP labelling myself as slow and weak.  This is the year that this girl becomes fierce and confident!  This is my year of awesome.

 

 

As a final run down on my 2013 year, I realized that I did more than I thought that I did.

 

 

I also decided that I really enjoyed have a blog dedicated to my Iron and endurance goals, but also really like having this blog to catalog the greater journey.  After much thought I closed the IMFL blog and started an off-shoot blog called The Iron Seashell where I will track all of my training and races in more detail, while this blog will serve as the chronicle of my overall lifestyle change to being the healthiest person that I can be.

Head on over and follow The Iron Seashell if you are interested in following my journey to being the best endruance athlete that I can forge.  Click the logo and you will go right there.

 

So how do you handle self esteem and confidence?  Have you overcome a lack thereof or have you always been confident in yourself and your actions?  Do you have any labels that you impose on yourself that you want to remove this year?