Sep 1, 2009

Finding the peace.

Well, as you see I have not had much time to swing buy the old bloggy bloggy. Facebook is a lot easier to update and I have been lame at posting there aside from the random 160 character or less "I am sitting on the porch" updates. I do love this space in the world, so I am returning to blogging here. Mostly because I really want to chronicle what I am going through these days in my life, the good, the bad, the indifferent. Looking back over some posts from 2006 and 2007, I have really enjoyed seeing how far I have come as a runner, but marvel at how far I have to go as a human. I am still fighting the same fights as then, some are in more heated battle, others are just smoldering... but at the end of the day this war march I am in really needs to be treated as the journey it truly is.

So as of August 19th, I have turned in my triathlon hat for the season and have donned the running hat once again. I have decided that this "off" season I am going to dedicate myself to running and swimming. I may also do some trainer rides and some mountain biking, but I need to return to trail running and road running, and to really work on my swim.

This season I would love to improve my freestyle and learn a new stroke or three. I plan on doing some swim meets again, and a long distance postal to kick off the off season right! I am doing the 3,000 or 6,000 yard postal. First off I need the 25 yard pool to do it in, and I think a counter. Volunteers?

Running wise, I secretly would love to do an ultra in 2010 so I need to improve my base miles now so that my body is used to so much time upright, and that includes base miles on trails. I want too many things. However I just need ot not want them all at once.

So, I want an early season fast 5K - 30 minutes or less please, a mid season fast half marathon (thinking Martian for this one), and a late season ultra just to finish happy and strong. Aim big, and if I fall short at least I worked myself beyond my comfort zone. That is what I call growth.

Along the way, due to work conflicts and school obligations, I really need to stick with sprint triathlons for 2010. I know that I called war on Muncie Half Ironman, however... work is crazy. I never know (literally) where I will be in the next 12 hours. I may be in China and Mexico a lot in 2010, and definitely on the road more with audits and supplier issues. Call me a fire fighter because I fight fires all day long.

I am cool with that because I have to be, and as such I plan on taking the sprint circuit by storm! Watch out Athenas/ 30-34 Female AGers of the world... my sights are on you. Yes. YOU. *points wickedly*

I am testing out my trail running abilities 9/25 - 9/27 at Run Woodstock ( Woodstock is a 3 day festival of running events. The weekend opens with a 5k on friday night, then the big show is Saturday AM, a 10k on Saturday PM, and concluding with a 5 miler on Sunday AM. The options are endless - 5K, 5 miles, 10K, half marathon, marathon, 50K, 50 Miles and the Hallucinating 100 Mile!

The cool thing is that if you sign up for one of the Saturday races, you get the other three evening/Sunday races FREE. Yes, all of them.

I am doing the 5k, 5mile/10k, 5mile (Friday, SaturdayAM/PM, Sunday respectively.)

Talking with a friend tonight about everything really solidified that I am doing the right thing with respect to my life. I know the answers but hate hearing them. Isn't the always the case when we know the answers to the tough questions? I feel out of control and as if one aspect of my life is not supporting another and this imbalance is leading to a spiral of depression, angst, and sickness.

We were discussing our work issues, and oddly enough we have the same ones. The more we talked, he hit something right on the head - there must be better opportunites out there, and somethings are blessings in disguise.

What I walked away with, and actually something that I have been struggling with for a good few years now, is that I feel stuck, unsatisfied, and down right miserable where I am now. In this space I am in. I am different than the happy go lucky girl I was years ago. I am hardened and very unhappy and this makes me sad to admit. So, I am taking steps to fix this, to step away from the misery and get on a path to happiness. I am doing what I need to do. Starting now.

I am tired of feeling like I have no choice in my life anymore. I do. We all do. We just need to make the conscious decision to do something about it and that is scary.

My goal is that by the end of 2012 I will be through my career transformation and graduating with my new degree. The next 2 years are going to be tough, there is no doubt. But I need the hell that is forthcoming to make everything else balanced.

That is where I am right now. As much as I am afraid of failure, of sabotage (self imposed of course), or the unknown that lies ahead of me... I really am ready to work for what I want personally and professionally.
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