Reflections in the wading pool of life - Running

I slept for over 9 hours last night. This means that I missed my 5:00AM alarm for my 3 miler. Instead I slept through it... for almost 2 hours. Why am I so tired?

I came into work and everyone was yawning. A'ight. I don't feel so bad then. Which makes me happy actually because today is an accomplished day already and I have not even set out on my 3-miler. (Yeah, I now have to do it this afternoon before the gym.) I walked a total of 4 miles at lunch.

I broke through the 3.4 mile barrier finally! *celebrate with me y'all!* It was much cooler than usual. A nice breeze was present, there was more shade than usual, and more people were out and about today. We also went earlier due to my 1:00PM meeting back at the office, which ended up being cancelled anyhow. All in all it was a great break in the day.

While out on this walk, my co-worker Stacy and I always talk about school (we are both GMI Alums), home life and work (we both live in Farmington Hills with our boyfriends, and we are in the same division at work) as well as health in general.

So there we are walking and talking and I tell Stacy about my entrance into the world of triathlon. We then talk about swimming (she is a swimmer) and biking, and I think how wonderful it would be to go lay out at the pool tonight, and maybe do my first mini-workout of 5 X 25 or 5 X 50 just for fun. Then I had to stop myself. Oh yeah – I have to get in 3miles, cook dinner, eat and hit the gym - all in the span of 3 hours. No time left for the pool or swimming, at least not at home. Maybe I can swing it at Bally's, but I am already going to be spending over an hour there for the run and strength training... and Mike had to work a freaking double today so he has been up since 3AM. OK – no swim for me tonight! ;)

This thinking really made me decide to rank my races into "A", "B", and "C" brackets. I think that this will help clarify my goals for training and running, as right now I am treating the CDC the same as the Freep. So not the case.


"A" Races
"A" races are the main reasons I am training. My 'MUST-DO" runs. The 'big" events.
CRIM 10 miler (PR goal)
Detroit Free Press/NB Half Marathon (PR goal)

Chicago Distance Classic (CDC) (just get out and have fun!)

"B" Races
"B" races are those that will help me get to the "A" races, are ones that I really want to do, but am not married to them.
Chicago Half

"C" Races
"C" races are strictly to go and do – no heart break if I do not do them. The Flying Pig was a "C" race for me.
Phedippidations Worldwide Half Marathon
BAA Boston Half (Visit my friend EJ and have fun)
Run with Donna Marathon (may do half due to Tri and Du season – conflicts in training)

No matter what - The day that the run stops being fun is the day that I know that I am loosing sight of the goal. I am only racing against me in this – no one else. And that is so wonderful and freeing!

Off for a nice 3 miler!

})i({ RunnerChica

Deja Vu... I have been here before.

A funny thing happens when you start reflecting on your past. You realize that sometimes revisionist history has taken a hold of what really happened, and replaced it with things you thought happened.

My revisionist history goes back to day 1!

Last night I had the brilliant idea as I lay in bed to read through my old running logbooks. Of course I never finished one, I think the best I did was 1 or 2 consecutive weeks of entry, but hey I could learn something, right? What I found were literally 1 or two week sof consecutive junk miles - little data at all. That in itself left me feeling a little robbed.

I was hoping to find stats, numbers, and emotions from each of my runs. I know that I ran a lot... my log books tell a different story. Or rather - they don't tell a story at all.

I read through one entry from the 2003-4 tlogbook. It really got me.

"I ran a half marathon Sunday. Set a PR. I hope that this will give
me the strength and passion I will need to start taking my training seriously...
whole-heartedly. I really want to run those 3 marathons next year."

I busted out laughing at the sight of those words. And then I thought.. what in blazing heck was I thinking? I was grasping for straws even back then. My journey, I have come to realize, has been just as much about the running as it has been about finding inner peace with it so I can really put my heart into it.

I was so lacking passion and direction... even back then

.
I realize now that I have grown by leaps and bounds. On more than one occasion I had contemplated giving up running, but after 8 months off each time, I was itching to get back out there.

Running is as much a part of me as is my personality, my physical features, my identity. I cannot give up on it, because doing so would literally be me giving up a part of me. And to what end?

My question to myself is why did I not learn from that PR setting half and really give my all to my training? Why, 2 or 3 years later, am I still saying those same words?

Well truth be told I am not saying those words anymore as I have found a way to cope with my running, as well as I have found the passion to move on, and to get serious about my training.
But how come I did not really learn from all that back then? And why did I forget that cry out for passion?

My theory is that I had to learn a few more lessons. And I have done that. Trial and error may have been the method, but the result has been nothing less than amazing.

I am well aware now of what I was missing back then. I was missing the freedom to be able to sacrifice. You heard me. The freedom to say nope - can't go - I have a 20 miler in the morning I need to be fresh for.

In the back of my mind I was always doubting myself because I was not as fast or could not endure the mileage like those around me. I cheated myself out of those miles by setting myself up for failure.

Damn me.

But what has changed is my mindset. I now have the freedom to say no. To say yes. To watch what I put in my mouth as well as what is coming out of it. I have grabbed myself by those cute pink-tipped horns and have made myself stop bitching and moaning about how I wish I were, and work to be come who I know I am.

I am a runner.

I am not a biker, a triathlete, nor a duathlete (yet). I am a runner. I am happy being a runner. I find challenge in my running. I am finding challenge in myself.

I am glad that all these years later it took not a PR to set me straight, but rather years of both failures and successes to really make me hone in on who I am.
Now if only I could get back into the habit of really writing in my running logs. The me of 4 years from now will be quite interested in what I have to say!
})i({

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(¸.·´ (¸.·*RunnerGirl*

I run for wine... not time.

Today I realized something pretty important. And that important thing was why I run and the runner I have become.

I used to be embarassed to tell my time unless it was a PR or so. But now, I am happy to proclaim that I am a mid-packer and happy to be one.

I like being able to enjoy the runs, to take pictures, to make new running friends, to recount the excitement of races as if I won first place - just because I finished!

I love that my heart is in it, but after throwing out numbers for the past two half-marathons, I feel as if a weight has been lifted. I now realize that I run for fun and fitness, not so much competition. Afterall the only person I plan on beating - is myself.

I remember how I used to feel. When I would come in last or nearly last. I felt mocked by myself. No one else, and certainly not the ones who were ther with me, but by the men rolling up the mats, or the people walking to their cars after finishing a long time ago. The "way to go - you are almost there - it is all downhill from here!"' comments, although meant to be supportive, seemed to be cutting.

But that was because I thought that walkers/runners are only atheletes and should only be out there if they could run sub-10's. Me being a habitual 12:00 runner felt out of place. I felt out of time.

I started to avoid races with smaller fields, because I enjoyed knowing that there was someone behind me!

I sort of dreaded my TNT training runs because I was the slowest one out there, so I opted to run with my running partner instead. In the end this solidified our running friendship, but I fostered my fear of being myself on the run.

Now I can recount the races and the runs by location and feelings. I feel the run again. I love the challenge, the accomplishment, and the knowledge that the people who love me and have my back are proud of me even if I finish last! Now talk about a relief! I am allowed to take it at my pace!!!!

Now I get to tell the stories of my runs over dinners of carbs and wine - and I find cool ways of rewarding myself for finishing the feat at hand, regardless of what place I did it in. I still did it - what does it matter if it took me 3 hours or 1? The finish is still as sweet, is it not?

So next time you feel like the last place runner or walker - remember that you did something most people will not - you put one foot down then the other, and you started. It is now up to you to finish.

I now run for wine... not time. And I like it better this way!