lame [leym] adjective, lam·er, lam·est, verb, lamed, lam·ing, noun
1.crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2.impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3.weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4.Slang. out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated. –verb (used with object)
5.to make lame or defective. –noun
6.Slang. a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends, esp. one who is unsophisticated.
Yep folks. The topic of the day is the art of being "lame"(and no, not the mp3 encoder as the logo may otherwise indicate.)
I am an engineer of the mechanical nature (read:NERD), so most of the time things of a detailed or technical nature come pretty easily to me. As I have said and illiustrated here on this very blog- I love graphs and charts, and pretty much all math. Mmmm mmmmm nerdalicious! But sometimes my lameness can only be compared to that of a David Lee Roth Video from the 80's. Ooooh yes folks, it gets that bad. And no, we are not talking about my fondness for equations, formulae, or the very usefull (even if highly misunderstood) pie chart. We are talking about the words that occasionally (read:DAILY) come out of my mouth. Consider this a post in humilty and airing out my closet of random Jennisms as my friends and co-workers have coined them.
A few prime examples of my sincere lameness follow for your enjoyment. . Sometimes I am shocked that I have made it this far in life.
"You learn something new every day!"
In 2003, after being a runner for only a few months, I decided to go for a 15K.. SMART MOVE. It was April, and the local race that weekend was the Tax Trot. Keep that in mind. TAX Trot. After signing up, I turned to my running partner and in all honesty said "Wow. For as much as we have been running, I just learned something new today. 5K's are called short form, and 10k's are called long forms." My running partner took a long hard look at me, which read a mix between "You are kidding, right?" and "Wow. You really are not kidding." then said quite matter of factly "Jenn. It is the 'Tax Trot.'"
Yeah the word play had been lost on me. LAME.
"Well... these are ONLY 5k's"
Ironically at that very same race I think, we were walking around the registration table look at all of the upcomming race flyers. Most were 5k's, and as we walked past I kept sneering at them in a very pompus nature. I looked at my running partner and said "Hmmm. There are ONLY 5K's. I think that we are better than that."
Lesson learned. I got my arse handed to me on the 15K. They had already rolled up the mat by the time I got around to finishing. LAME. There is no shame in 5K!
"In a van down by the river!"
As I was returning from lunch one day with my co-worker Stacy, I park my car in the far side of the parking lot. As I throw the car into park I turn to her and say "Huh... I never noticed that we have a river right here. But why is there a van driving down the middle of it?" I then realize almost at the exact same instance that the words were escaping my lips that the river was actually the next door company's shipping and receiving driveway. LAME.
"I know that I am supposed to do track work... buuut..."
I was talking to a fellow runner at work last week when I decided that I was going to try out some speed work on the super cool treadmills at the Gym by work. You honestly would have thought that I had mailed away for my degree given what came tumbling out of my mouth next. I ask in all sincerity "OK, so I will do speedwork on the treadmill... but how am I supposed to know the 400m's?"
Oh yeah - that would be 1/4 of a mile. The lame part is that I had just got done describing this cool new treadmill that has a freaking virtual TRACK on it , as well as showing the 1/4 mile distance for each 1 lap of the track. How do I go from converting the distance in my head while explaining the darn thing... but forgetting the simple fact tht 400m = 1/4 mile? LAME!!!
"So I have 1 flip-flop and a pair of high heels"
Today. 5:30PM. Bally's in Troy. I am meeting Mike up there to show him this facility and to get in a nice workout. I greet him, we chat, I punch in and then get dressed. Sports bra, check. Pants, check. Socks, check. Shirt, check. Shoes, che..... oh wait. CRAP!
Oh yeah. I am the anal OCD organized chic you all hate. Color coded files, elaborate filing schemes. Has every number she haws ever seen memorized (including all of her credit cards and bank routing information). Desk immaculately clean and well decorated (hee hee). THAT girl is me.
I am also the girl who leaves her exercise shoes at home, so she has to work out in her SOCKS.
We had to use the inner most machines so I would not get caught!
So today I leave you with this thought.
In life things may come easily or they may come hard. Just remember that no matter how bad things seem, or how lame you may feel. You are never... EVER going to be as lame as David Lee Roth.