Sometimes to start over is not to go back to the mythical square 1 and call a redo. Sometimes, we must start over to move on a different path all together and sometimes we do not have to go back to start.
Funny. Last year when I was knee deep in Muncie training (or rather knee deep in the hysteria and drama that was my life) I was going crazy to get in long rides, runs, and swims. My head was about to explode, I was carrying too much emotional baggage with me and I was becoming paralyzed by the situation let alone my fears of failure.
And one fine day in late June, I lost it. Totally and completely. Epic life balance FAIL.
So far. the first three rides of 2010 are all much longer than a bulk of my rides last year save for the three or four 40-60 milers I managed pulled out of some magic hat. I know that I am starting over (much like I have in the past) but this year... I feel like I am starting over from last May... not so much like starting over from 2005. Now this is an improvement over a few months ago when I woke up one day and had a total realization that I had regressed back to my former pre-triathlon self.
But I have to ask myself, when do we stop starting over and just plain get on track from the current place we find ourselves? Are there no connectors or do we always have to go back to the beginning?
So many times before when I would say starting over, I would imagine myself as living life in a video game of sorts. You have "x" amount of lives (tries) and if you "died" then you magically got transported back to the start and you did the entire course over again, hopefully having learned from your miss-timed jumped or overuse of the super fast running feature.
What? Oh please, Super Mario Brothers rocks and you know this to be true.
However - I neglected to see myself as living in a video game with checkpoints. Those nifty things that once you reach a particular stage in the progress of the game even if you fail you get sent back not to the start but to the checkpoint.
Aha. That is more like it.
Calling a redo on the Monsoon known as Muncie?
Previously I wrote that I needed to do Muncie. No other half would suffice for my first full 70.3. That I had set out to complete Muncie and held myself back from that goal so I need a redo so I can finish what I had started. In fact, looking over the first draft of my '10 race schedule I saw '09 written all over it. Motor City, Muncie, Woodstock, The Dino Series, Brooksie and the Freep.
Whoa nelly. If I have grown as a person and athlete - why am I trying to relive such a horrible year?
I thought that I had to do Muncie to reclaim something I lost or that I had missed all together in 2009, but why? Why was I trying to relive 2009 the way I thought that it should have been instead of leaving 2009 where it was. It is what it is and it was what is was. And now, it is in the past and I am moving ahead. Muncie in '09 was my yer for the Aquabike. My HIM will come.
I need to just move forward with "2K10"
In case you cannot tell where all of this speak of Muncie, mythical squares and video games is leading me to... my friend Carol and I decided on doing the Welland Half Ironman in Welland, Ontario, Canada this June 26th. The timing works out better for me. It is less expensive and I am actually excited to do this race even though it is not Muncie.
I realized today that I do not need Muncie. What I need is to live out this year to my best ability and be greatful for every single day.
This ain't your momma's 2009, people. This is 2010. And no truer words will have ever been spoken when I say that I truly thank God every day for that fact.
I made it. And now I can move on.