I am not here to conquer the world.

I am here to conquer myself.

I have been getting a lot of comments and emails lately pertaining to my '08 racing schedule and school all pretty much asking the same thing... "are you crazy?"

Well my friends, the answer to that is a simple no.

You have to understand. I am seriously not out to do things just for the sake of doing them. I am out here to make a better life for myself and for others. I work hard so I can play hard and enjoy life. We only have one, and I have wasted enough of mine already.

A little recap on RunnerGirl - I started running because I had lost a lot of weight and wanted to do something amazing... to push my body now that I knew I could do it. So I started training for a marathon. Go big or go home - that is my motto! Maybe I should have stopped there, but I was hooked. So I kept running.

Sort of like Forrest Gump, just without the positive attitude.

The running partner I was with, coincidentally my boyfriend at the time, started to make me feel like I wasn't a good enough runner. Or maybe I let the dissolution of our relationship put those negative thoughts in my head. Either way I was reminded that I was not good enough out there in the field. I felt stuck. I had to run in order to spend any amount of time with this man... however I hated every minute out there because I felt smaller and not worthy. I felt fake. I was ashamed.

"If it makes you happy... then why are you so sad?"

I had sacrificed my happiness to be someone that this man would want to love. At the end of the day it would not matter. There was no love. Just habit, and a shell of a person left there all alone trying to figure out how it got to the point where she did not even recognize herself.

But I kept running. And dreaming. And I never stopped dreaming.

Because of that time in my life I used to have a real negative feelings towards running. I hated lacing up the shoes, but I still did it. I hated getting up early for those long slow distances, but I still did it. I hated everything about running, but I still did it.

I was convinced that I was NOT a runner because I couldn't break 10 minute miles. I was convinced that I was a joke to the fellow runners out there because I struggled and had to walk.

I loved a good punishment, so I never gave up. And in the end I was able to tear down those walls that I had built up and see the beauty in every step that I take.

"It is your run, embrace every step."

For those of you that have been with me since the start of this blog - you know that I have grown quite bit. I have grown into the woman I am today. Strong, Healthy. Happy.

So if I seem impassioned about the sports that I partake in... it is because I have been on the other side. The side where you dread life and every turn. That you dread waking up and facing another day of lies and let downs. I hated that person. I am glad that she is gone.

"I took off my pity-party dress and I don't dance like that no more."

I have since embraced running. It is a lifestyle. I am not a marathoner even though I have run them. I am not a half-marathoner even though I have run them too. I am a runner, but more importantly I am Jennifer. No titles necessary. For me, the joy is not in the title but the trip along the way to the finish line.

"I have the courage to start, and the strength to finish. "

Likewise, I have embraced triathlon. I enjoy challenging myself, true. However, again, I am not partaking in all the races that I do for the sake of medals, t-shirts, or even to say that I am a triathlete. I do these thing because of the happiness it brings to me. It is just another step in the journey. Another simple little step leading me down the path of life.

I guarantee you this. I am not chasing after Iron, nor gold, silver or bronze. I will not ever be an ironman. I don't want that. I am happy with sprints and oly's and one day I would like to do a Half IM, but no more. Now do not get me wrong, I respect each and every iron man out there (well except for the ones that steal other people's bike computers). But I personally am not that iron-seeking person. I am content with being carbon based.

I am human and that is beautiful. (I will try not to forget this)

I have this life to live and that is a blessing. (I will try not to waste it on frivolous things)

I am finally in a place where I no longer worry or feel bad or have self
doubt about who I am on the inside and that is reassuring. (I will try not to abuse it.)

I have gone from sloth to athlete and that is amazing. (I will try not to revert back to old ways)

But most of all I have learned that I can say no... and that is empowering. (I will try to remember to do so when needed. )

So to answer your questions... no I am not crazy. Well if you ask Mike then the answer is probably yes. ;) I will succeed in this just like everyone else does. One day at a time.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. ;) I can only guarantee you that it will keep on getting better. Oh, and soon I will have some actual running things to post up here.

})i({ Jennifer

Not out of the woods yet but I see the light!!!!

Allllllllllrighty then.

This morning we went to the gym to get in a work out. Mike walked around the track while I warmed up with a nice mile on the dreadmill before working out back and biceps.

Hey guess what... NO SHIN SPLINTIES!

Doing the happy dance for that one!

I think that I may have deduced the reasoning behind the pains of late... MY INCREASED SPEED.


I started out today's run at an easy 13 minute mile pace. I then moved it up to 2 minute mile pace for the next .25 mile. I was shocked how slow that really is for me now. I decided to kick up the speed to an 11 minute mile pace. Hmmmm.... still really easy for me. I stayed there for quite awhile, then increased the speed gradually until I finished the mile cruising at an 8:41 minute mile pace. (My total time for the mile was 10:51)


I was working it towards the end but I was not dying. I also know that I could not have sustained this pace for more than .25 mile without sacrificing form. However I felt really good with the pace between 10 and 11 minute miles. I mean sustainably good. As in I could go for a few miles at that speed and still have energy to sprint at the end.


With this increase in speed came the potential answer to the shin-splint drama. When I cruised on down to the 8:41 minute mile pace that is when my leg muscles started to tighten. I knew if I pushed on like this for much longer they would be back.

A-ha! It is speed related! At least partially. So now I know... and knowing is half of the battle.


No matter the reason the shin-splints came to me, I am not calling the game quite yet. One mile is just that. One mile. I will ease back up to a 5k over the next few weeks just to make sure that the splints are not in hiding.


An added side-effect of today's little experiement is that I have the possibility of crushing my former running speeds in the 5K. I know now that I can work on really increasing my pace in 08. I want so badly to be a sub-10 minute mile 5Ker... and beyond.

Speaking of 2008 - I am happy to say that I am getting ready to post the first draft of el manifesto de Jenniferlyn.

I know you all are just rattling with excitement. I can hear it as you type. ;)

I wish everyone good weekend, especially AJ who is attacking the Boulder Half Marathon!

})i({ Runnergirl's back. Back again. Yes she's back. Tell a friend.

• Workout Summary for Saturday:
• 1 mile treadmill easy- 10:51 total time

Wrapping Up, Part 2

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"If winter is slumber, spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on that's come before." (Northern Exposure)

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With fall comes the close of the current racing season and the subsequent planning of the next. I have two remaining races in '07. I am happy to report that when I am finished with "The Racing Season from Hell" on Oct. 21st, I will have quite a number of happy reflections.

2007 was not a hellish year in a technical sense. I will have completed 3 half marathons and a few 5k's. I will have gotten back in the saddle for my bike fun, and after so many years I am back in the pool making waves. Oh those beautiful waves...

It was most certainly a hellish season in the sense of personal obstacles. I started this year disillusioned. In the middle of the year I was frustrated. I am ending this year in accomplishment and triumph.

I start the '08 season in January, but it will be unlike any other season. I am fine tuning my schedule and training and once all of the potential races have posted their dates, I will be able to publish my season plans... el manifesto de Jenniferlyn.

2008 is going to be my year. I am ready for it now. I wasn't ready for it before now. I still had a lot to learn about myself, and unfortunately about those around me. I shed a lot of tears this year in idle frustration. I also shed a lot of weakness and doubt this year.

The more of the later I shed, the less of the former. I grew stronger and more dedicated just by taking the pressure off of myself.

So to 2008 I say bring it on biiiiatch. Because you and I are about to tango, and this time I am taking the lead.

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"The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." - Robert Frost

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Todays stats:

Master's Swimming

2400 meters

1 major toe cramp

})i({ RunnerSwimmerGirl

My dirty little secret.

Not so "dirty" really, and definitely not "double-r" dirrty (ala Christina A) ~ although I have had my moments. Misleading I know. But hey, call me a sensationalist!

The QUEEN of DIRRTY

My 2007 race calendar has looked something like this:

1. Half #9 - PF CHang's RNR AZ Half Marathon - mission accomplished


2. Half # 10 - Chicago Distance Classic Half Marathon - mission accomplished


3. Half #11 - Detroit Free Press/ New Balance International Half Marathon - 5 weeks away

Muy impressivo, no? No. And my training for these races has been as lack-luster as you can imagine - as some have witnessed first-hand *cough*DenisePatBarbMike*cough*.

PF Chang's Training consisted of: running ZERO miles. Sadly, that is not an exaggeration. Not even a casual bike ride or swim for cross-training was to have been had. I could not face a DNS. I just could not do that. I learned a lesson that I should have just watched the race to cheer on Denise and Pat, not actually attempting it myself. Oddly enough, it wasn't my worst half. Crazier things have happened in my life.

I trained much harder for the CDC in August. And we all know how training for that went. MUCH better than for PF Chang's... not as good as for the Freep last October. I beat my self-predicted finishing time by 0:07. I am talking 7 seconds people. I finished with a hard-earned smile on my face thanks to the Running Jayhawk Barb running me in to the final stretch, Denise cheering me on from the side-lines, Josh cheering me on via Denise, and my local Chicago friends coming out to run across the finish line with me. That was probably one of the most satisfying races I have ever completed. I really had pushed myself.

So here I am 5 weeks out from my favorite race EVAH and I have JUST gotten back into the training zone. It feels good. My type-A personality would not let me settle for my performances this year. I am pushing myself every day a little more and making... yes you guessed it... forward motion.

I am going to be a training machine for the next month. I got my groove back Wednesday at Master' Swim class. I kicked a lil ass Thursday with the miracle mile. 5 weeks out and I am back on track for training.

So then, what is my dirty little secret? I am running race tomorrow. This race will be my first non-13.1 miler all year. And I am GEEKED.

I have finally proven to myself that I am worth my salt (to borrow a phrase from the Romans, and my mom.) I am more than capable.

And in 5 weeks, when I cross the finish line OUTSIDE OF FORD FIELD (can you tell that I am upset about the lack of finishing on the 50-yard line INSIDE?) HM #11 will be in the books, and I will be stronger than ever.

})i({

heilige Scheiße!

Begnadigen Sie meine Sprache, or rather pardon my language to all deutsch speaking peeps. Quite frankly my deutsch is a little rusty, so I may have that all sorts of wrong but loosely (and PG-ly) translated it means 'holy crap'.

While tonight's 4-miler ended up being a 2-miler (awww... the terrible two's!) I walked, errr limped away with a thought in my head.

Maybe I have this whole idea of my transformation into a better runner all wrong... maybe I am not trying to kill the weakness inside me afterall. Maybe, oh just maybe there is a fast runnergirl inside me that is trying to get out, and the weakness is my shell. Maybe she is protecting herself with my slowness, and then peeking out at rare and often suprising times.

If this is the case, then I realized one thing tonight. Her preferred method of escape, I feel, is by ripping a part my muscles one fiber at a time. At least that is how it has been going for the past few quicker runs.

You see my friends, an odd thing happened on my run. I have been sick for the past few days, so I figured that I would do a nice and slow mile warm up, followed by 2 miles of speedwork (alternating quarter miles of "all out" and recovery), followed by a mile slow and steady for cool down. I figured that this would be great comeback from illness.

Apparently the speed demon inside me (her name is speedracer, by the way) wanted to come out and play.

Mile 1....wait for it... wait for it..... mile 1 rang in at 9:45.

*blink*

*blink*

You heard me. And I did not try to go for it... it just, well it just sort of happened.

Speedracer got game. The side effect of her attempts at making herself be known... at making me notice that she is there... is the sheer agony I was in as my shins froze up completely.

I couldn't lift my left foot.... I was dead in the water 1 mile out. *shurgs* so much for nice and slow. A 1-mile TT isn't a bad replacement, eh?

Speedracer's idea of making her slow escape from my slow self appears to be that of tearing out my muscles one by one. She like to start with the shin. She is sort of mean that way. Biatch.

So 4 became 2 -1 running, 1 walking in agony back to my car.

I think that the scariest part of this is that my body is not listening to my brain. I feel like sometimes my brain is the parent and the body is the child. My brain says slow down, my body speeds up. My brain says take it easy, my body laces up for a race. My brain says let's just stay at home and eat soup, my body goes out for an hour and a half master's swim class.

But sometimes my brain is overprotective. My body is home to speedracer, and she wants some freedom. Said brain is not allowing it so she is rebelling. How counter productive!

So I will let her come out to play, but only in moderation and when it is appropriate - like say at the END of a run. Because seriously... my legs are killing me! I need to keep her on a leash for now. Maybe allowing her some freedom to roam about at times is the ticket I need.

*bites nails* I just hope that she does not ask to borrow the car!


I will leave you all tonight on a serious note. I have a little bit of prose from a wonderful writer named Oriah Mountain Dreamer that has been a powerful reminder to be true to myself.

I came across it scribbled onto a piece of paper that I had saved from a friend's funeral from long ago- I am glad that I found this again.

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.



Goodnight everyone!

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