You're Doing It Wrong. Something About The Biggest Journey Being The One Inside.

Ha ha ha! This made my day. Sometimes it is neat to see how little things which seem completely inane, are really just the thing you need to flip a switch. While the above picture was not one of those things... the one below was.




I am stuck. In a rut. And I cannot. Get. Out. Or so I thought.

I have been having flashbacks to 2000 and looking forward in those memories to where I thought that I would be at 31. Never did I think that I would be here. I thought by now I would be so FAR from here!

But really... how does one measure the distance one has traveled in life? Seriously? In miles moved? In marriages accumulated? In children born? In jobs secured? In jobs lost? In battles won? How?

Yeah. I have not that answer either. And do you know what? That is not a bad thing. Who says that the mark of success is measurable at all? And who set the metrics by which it should be measured?

Exactly.

The most successful people I know question their own progress daily.

Besides, what did my 21 year old mind know anyhow? Nothing.... well everything if you were to have asked her!


For a while this year I have felt as if I had stopped making progress in my life back in 2000, because here I am 10 years later in a very similar place... right down to doing the exact same job albeit at a different company.

The big difference, which I did not realize until that switch went off in my little head, is that I am not in the same place. While it is familiar and the surroundings seem the same, I am the thing that has changed.

And that is actually an awesome thing. To look at my life through 21 year old eyes I had assumed that the world would change around me and I would just be me in new places.

Centristic? No.. not at all. I was 21 afterall, of course the world was going to revolve around me!

Little did I know back then that the world is pretty neat where it is... sometimes the biggest journeys occur within ourselves. While the world is constantly evolving around us, we are constantly evolving within ourselves.

At 21 I had no idea what lay ahead of me. At 31 I have even less of an idea what is ahead. This time around, I am not assuming anything. Evolution takes time and I have got all the time which the good Lord is granting me.

I signed up for Half Ironman #2 for 2010 today to kick myself out of the funk I was in. I even reserved my room at the Breakers. I am getting ready to kick some ass. Sorry mom.


The gloves are off. There is no more fear here. Life is good and in focus, and I am moving forward inside at a rate I never thought possible.

A Training Manifesto: Something About Going Big With Intention and Purpose.

Yesterday before I left work for home, I stepped into the Engineering Manager's office to chat a moment. He is a runner and is in training for the US AF Marathon. He runs with the Hanson group sometimes and was telling me that in the few times he has ran with them, he saw real improvement. He was amazed at some of the miles he was getting in before dinner. 11 miles on a work night no issues. He said taht it did wonders for his confidence as a runner.

Then I read a quick blurb in an EN newsletter where someone mentioned that they are doing their training at threshold paces 8-9 months out from their A race. Holy crap.

Anyhow, this all got me thinking about training in general. Volume, build, base, threshold, periodization, nutrition, rest... there are just so many components to getting the body in shape for a finish, a happy finish, a podium finish or a did not finish.

What you put in you get out.

What do I wish to get out of all of this training? That is the question I am pondering right now. Do I want to eek through weeks of training and expect a... a what exactly?


Do I expect to barely finish... crawling over the finish line gasping for air, some water, and a medic?

Do I expect to finish with a smile on my face with nothing left in the tank, but the strength to get both feet well across the line and a few feet beyond before I collapse in happiness?

Do I expect to finish with plenty in the tank maybe treating the race as any other day noodling around in each disipline just racing the clock before time runs out on my day?


I have never dealt well with noodling. I have never dealt well with performance training either. I guess I always just lived in the safe zone. OK, in MY safe zone. (I need to realize that to some what I do here in my life is crazy, but remember dear friends... there is no ceiling on crazy and one man's ceiling is another mans floor. Where I once thought that I would never go is now my starting point!)

Now this is not due to capabilities, but rather due to my belief (in the past tense - let's be clear on that) that I was not worthy and talented enough to train as an athlete because I was not an athlete. I am (was) a couch potato with an endurance sport addiction. I want to go long and hard, but keep seeing myself as lazy and lacking the neccessary skills to do well, so why do at all.

Why train so hard for a back of the pack finish?

Well, self, maybe if I trained harder I would not have a back of the pack finish.

D'uh.

For the record, when your self esteem is pretty low and you are always finding new and creative ways to put yourself down, this is not so clear. The more circular logic turns linear and you just see yourself at point A - looking out to point B far in the distance, not realizing that B is closer to A than you think.

It is not a relationship of how far B is from A, but more so a relationship of how hard you are willing to work to get to B in the shape you wish. B is right there in front of you, you just have to take the steps in getting there. Sometimes you turn back, sometimes you get lost, but if the net effort is forward - well then. You have progress.


Lord knows that I have put my body through the ringer over my short life. From extreme weight gain to extreme weight loss... from running a half marathon on literally ZERO training ( and I mean not one mile ran in the 4 months prior to the race) to training very hard and not having a race to run at the end of it all.


So here is the deal. I am still trying to figure out what my goals are going to be for Welland.

I want to train with purpose, other than to just finish. I am not looking to cross the line gasping for air. I am looking to cross the line with the biggest smile on my face, feeling strong and happy with the performace of the day, for that day's conditions.

For as much as I enjoy training... I also enjoy achieving something specific.


Before this plan was enacted, I felt like a missle without a target. Ready to go off at any moment... but not knowing exactly where to go to.

Now that I have a race (or two!) and a plan (in cycles even!) and coaches to help get me there (swimming at least), I now need to know where I am going. I have the tools... the car if you will, which are all of the things I have listed prior. I have the map... the plan of which I shall follow to the best of my ability and look forward to every moment of it.


I feel that I am ready to go for it. I want to put my all into this plan and see where I can go from there. Why not? I have big goals in the next few years... time to make my inputs match my desired outputs.

I am tired of living in the what if's... forget that. I am here for the why nots. What do I have to loose?

Well?


NOTHING.



If I am going to go for Iron... should I not train like an Ironman? You cannot half-ass an Ironman, so why half-ass the training?

No more merely eeking out this existance! Time to go big, go hard, and make each and every workout count no matter if it is base, build, prep or rest.

That is my manifesto on training.

Go big with the best intentions in your heart and the most purpose in everything you do... or don't bother going at all.

2K10... here we go again?

Sometimes to start over is not to go back to the mythical square 1 and call a redo. Sometimes, we must start over to move on a different path all together and sometimes we do not have to go back to start.

Funny. Last year when I was knee deep in Muncie training (or rather knee deep in the hysteria and drama that was my life) I was going crazy to get in long rides, runs, and swims. My head was about to explode, I was carrying too much emotional baggage with me and I was becoming paralyzed by the situation let alone my fears of failure.

And one fine day in late June, I lost it. Totally and completely. Epic life balance FAIL.

So far. the first three rides of 2010 are all much longer than a bulk of my rides last year save for the three or four 40-60 milers I managed pulled out of some magic hat. I know that I am starting over (much like I have in the past) but this year... I feel like I am starting over from last May... not so much like starting over from 2005. Now this is an improvement over a few months ago when I woke up one day and had a total realization that I had regressed back to my former pre-triathlon self.

But I have to ask myself, when do we stop starting over and just plain get on track from the current place we find ourselves? Are there no connectors or do we always have to go back to the beginning?

So many times before when I would say starting over, I would imagine myself as living life in a video game of sorts. You have "x" amount of lives (tries) and if you "died" then you magically got transported back to the start and you did the entire course over again, hopefully having learned from your miss-timed jumped or overuse of the super fast running feature.

What? Oh please, Super Mario Brothers rocks and you know this to be true.

However - I neglected to see myself as living in a video game with checkpoints. Those nifty things that once you reach a particular stage in the progress of the game even if you fail you get sent back not to the start but to the checkpoint.

Aha. That is more like it.

Calling a redo on the Monsoon known as Muncie?

Previously I wrote that I needed to do Muncie. No other half would suffice for my first full 70.3. That I had set out to complete Muncie and held myself back from that goal so I need a redo so I can finish what I had started. In fact, looking over the first draft of my '10 race schedule I saw '09 written all over it. Motor City, Muncie, Woodstock, The Dino Series, Brooksie and the Freep.

Whoa nelly. If I have grown as a person and athlete - why am I trying to relive such a horrible year?

I thought that I had to do Muncie to reclaim something I lost or that I had missed all together in 2009, but why? Why was I trying to relive 2009 the way I thought that it should have been instead of leaving 2009 where it was. It is what it is and it was what is was. And now, it is in the past and I am moving ahead. Muncie in '09 was my yer for the Aquabike. My HIM will come.

I need to just move forward with "2K10"


In case you cannot tell where all of this speak of Muncie, mythical squares and video games is leading me to... my friend Carol and I decided on doing the Welland Half Ironman in Welland, Ontario, Canada this June 26th. The timing works out better for me. It is less expensive and I am actually excited to do this race even though it is not Muncie.

I realized today that I do not need Muncie. What I need is to live out this year to my best ability and be greatful for every single day.

This ain't your momma's 2009, people. This is 2010. And no truer words will have ever been spoken when I say that I truly thank God every day for that fact.

I made it. And now I can move on.

Crunch Crunch Crunch Crunch

2:20:00 in 2010

I am on day 3 of 100 of my hopeful running streak. So far so good. I am following the plan for my

spring half marathon and am looking forward to each run. Knowing that I can just log in a 1 miler makes me feel good and I always end up going longer once I start out that door.

I have two goals for the Martian Half Marathon this year. First and foremost - enjoy the race! My second goal is time related. I want to go sub 2:30 this year, preferably at Martian. I would really like to end 2010 around 2:20. That would be a just under a 15 minute improvement over 2009. So enough of liking... I am setting my sights on a 2:20 2010.

The First Two Steps

It really is just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other at a rate of turnover which will help propel me to the finish line 13.1 miles away in a certain period of time. While every step counts... the first two steps, I feel, are most important. Not the first two steps of the race. No. The first two steps of training.

Once you have done that you pretty much just keep going. Good days. Bad days. These days will certainly happen. I hope for more of the good, but am prepared for whichever comes my way knowing that when things get bad the good is sure to follow. I also have to keep this as the reality check for when things are going stellar as to not to get too far ahead of myself and over train just because I feel good. That my friends is the recipe for burn out right there. Failing to follow the plan and forgetting that each and every run is a gift. Each and every run is a blessing.

I had a lot of thoughts on the run tonight, and I feel it only appropriate to share with you the latest edition of my TSJoR.

The Simple Joys of Running - January 12th, 2010 edition:

• I have found that when you run the same route a lot, your tracks become indistinguishable from those of your kin. My yak trax, his yak trax, those with small feet, that one guy with the huge feet, those running in the very identifiable Nike Shox with a dog companion... I see us all now, but by tomorrow we shall not be able to know who left which tracks.
• I love that each step leaves just as much of a mark on the earth as it does your soul.
• Running is a great way to self improve. I listen to some neat podcasts from NPR. I love that I can listen to a conversation while feeling my body fall into its rhythm.
• I enjoy exploring my new surroundings through running. I am able to connect with the streets I now call home. Personally, I feel that experiencing new places on foot is the best way to do it. I never knew how hilly Farmington Hills was until I ran it. Now I am seeing how flat Berkley is. For the first time in years I need to find hills to run!
• I see that training and nutrition go hand in hand. I want to eat better because it will only help my running, as well as keep me around longer to enjoy this life ahead of me.

Feels like normal... well normal plus.

I have an early season half marathon and an early season half ironman. Do you know what that means?

TRAINING! (Read: normalcy)

I am starting to get over the hump of my sickness, (Read: normalcy plus) feeling much better but still not... right. This weekend is a visit from my mom and dad who will be staying with us all weekend long, and then Monday starts the first training of 2010.

Yes!

In my training I am adding weekly goals such as sleeping a good number of hours each night, drinking enough water to keep me hydrated (in my effort to ditch the caffiene). and adding in swimming.

I am excited to train smarter. To train harder. To enjoy the whole process and not just the outcome.

Next week I want to get to the pool once. The following week twice, and the next week three times. My goal is to be in the habit of swimming at lunch when my HIM training starts in late February.

If I can swim in either the AM or at lunch, then my training will go much smoother.

Week 3 of my training will also be the first check point on my goals for the new year - Consistency. Since I have sick all year so far I have not been able to run. At all. Ugh.

So, once I am in health, I will start the 100 days clock. I think that it is fair only because this goal is to get me consistent and if I was to run outside in the 7* weather with this illness, I would not be running for long. Not good.

I am also getting back into the habit of blogging more regularly. And logging in my miles... which obviously has been easy given the lack of them.

I am still using Beginnertriathlete.com but my HIM trainin gplan is actually through TrainingPeaks, and my half marathon training plan is on there as well, so I will be double logging for a while. I need to keep up with BT as that is where a huge majority of my trainng partners are, as well as this site keeps the entire history of every yard swam, every mile biked, and every mile ran. Monthly, yearly... for EVER. Oh OK, not forever, but I can always go back and read through the logs and see where I was and how far I have come.

Now I just need to be more dilengent tracking my calories... livestrong.com is great becuase it has so many foods, however that is an additional tracker I need to keep up. Both BT and TP have nutrition logs, however they are not the most user friendly. Oh well, I will figure it all out!


Ahhhh normalcy... welcome back my friend.

010110

010110

The first of the 18 binary days we shall have this century. I like binary years. It is comforting to me for some reason. You may think that it is odd, but when I can put a name, rational, reason, or explanation to something I just feel good about it.

2009 was quite possibly the worst year of my life. I am not even going to recap it because I would much rather acknowledge that the year was what it was and leave it in its own rightful place in history. We were able to pull out of it with some great things. Still employed, mom is with us, and Mike and I now own a house.

With this house, we plan to fill it with love and happiness and to always have a safe place to go when the world outside its four walls turns cold.

Resolutions? Try continuous improvements.

I guess this time of year is the time where people try to make change. New year new you. the resolutioners at the gym. After 30 odd years of hearing these things I realized that I really have come to dislike the term "resolution". I never felt right making resolutions. Resolutions can be broken. What we need to do is to aim for continuous improvements not drastic change. I am going to do something new this year. I am going to make goals for the year, with check in dates to keep myself on track. So here are my goals for the first year of the new decade. You will notice that they pretty much echo the sentiment from my November 2nd, 2009 post.


GOAL #1 - CONSISTENCY

We all know that consistency is king. I believe that I have said that tons here.

So, how am I going ot gain consistency this year? I am in a challenge with some fellow bloggers (Pat from AZ and Ken from MI) along with some of my BT, work, and FAST friends to see which team of 5 (AZ or MI) can run the most miles in 2010. [My money is on MI!]

I created sub goals to help me in my consistency, because I believe in taking little bites, not trying to get it all done in one fell swoop.

I am challenging myself to run 100 days in a row. Nothing huge, just at least 1 mile a day. CHECK IN DAYS: Days #25, #50, #75, and #100.

I want to run 1000 miles in 2010. That averages out to 3 miles a day. CHECK IN DAYS: The last day of each month.

I also have some neat races on the radar and will complete two half Ironman distanced triathlons, so again - training = consistency for me.

My goal is to ride 2010 miles this year. Being a new GREYHOUND I think that this will be quite doable. CHECK IN DAYS: The last day of each month.


GOAL #2 - HEALTHY WEIGHT RANGE/BMI

I am going to be feeling my way through this one as I go along, but pretty much I need my BMI to be in the healthy range, below 24.9. Simple as that. CHECK IN DAYS: The last day of each quarter. BASELINE - BMI = 34.4


GOAL #3 - BALANCING ACT

This is definitely along the CI lines. I just need to be able to keep balancing my work, fitness, and personal lives. CHECK IN DAYS: The last day of each quarter. BASELINE - So far so good!



So there you have it. Binary days are good. God is great. People... well people are crazy.